Ultra-sound

What a feeling! I can’t believe we’re halfway through already.  On Monday the 14^th we had our big ultra-sound day. The papers we were sent said to show up 20 minutes early, so even though our appointment wasn’t till 8:30am we left for the hospital at 7:50. By 8:10 we were sitting in the waiting room in Diagnostic Imaging, and good thing we were early because five minutes later we were called in by the technician.  As she brought up the image (I had a terrible view, the screen was close to my head but perpendicular to the bed I was on) and began getting shots, she said “Have you felt movement yet? Because your baby moves like crazy.” I suppose having a small athlete can only be a good thing, meaning it’s healthy and energetic! And I sure have felt the movements.  Ever since last Monday when I first felt that bubbly feeling, the little kicks and punches have continued to get stronger and more frequent.  The baby seems to move more after I eat, which I find cute.

And speaking of cute, it is just the word to describe the little baby we saw on the computer screen. I was totally relieved to see it looked like a normal baby human silhouette snuggled in there, with a little face (on which I could actually notice some features that look a little similar to my own), a sweet little belly, and lively arms, legs, hands and feet.  What a crazy feeling to finally see your baby’s picture after feeling it and hearing its heartbeat but still insatiably wanting more confirmation all these weeks!

Everything seemed to be fine, although the technician wasn’t really disclosing any information, per protocol. From the measurements she took, they came up with the same due date as we had figured out with my mom, off by only one day! They said the baby measured 19 weeks and three days, which was completely bang on.  

As for the sex… ‘Tis a boy! For awhile she couldn’t get any shots to help determine the gender, as she needed it to flip over. She sent me to the bathroom in hopes that it might be inspired to do so. As much as it was moving around, though, it stubbornly stayed in its spot.  After turning me on my side, she told us she was pretty sure it was a boy. I asked again later for confirmation on this, which she couldn’t give, but she said she’d be very surprised if it was a girl. I guess the strong male genes in Patrick’s family win out. I, as I said in the last post, honestly couldn’t care at all what the gender is. I am starting to get very excited to meet this tiny babe whom I feel so attached to emotionally and –obviously- physically.  I have to watch my thoughts, though, or I get too emotional and start to feel run down.  My thoughts start to wander way into the future and I have to just stop thinking or I stress myself out. I can’t invent any of this before it happens; being in the future or the past is my most potent source of unhappiness.  All I have to do right now to feel peaceful is rapturously enjoy the fact that my baby son is still in my belly right now, in a state of pure innocence and unable to be cared for by anyone but me. Oh, geez, I am crying just writing about this so I have to change subjects.

I am starting to feel tired at work most of the time now. I worked an extra-long 8 hour day today, 9 on the clock counting my lunch break. It actually wasn’t too bad, considering it’s a full two hours longer than all my other shifts, which I feel pretty wiped by the end of.  

I am also succeeding in gaining weight now, as I am ten pounds heavier than the first trimester when I didn’t gain anything. That seems to be pretty much right on target with how it should be. Not too fast, not too slow. Go vegan diet!

Think I’ll leave it there, as the news of the tiny one’s gender seems important enough to have a post to itself.  We are more excited than ever, and my belly keeps getting bigger. Absolutely no denying there’s a new life in there anymore.

Soon to be more than just an "It"!

Approaching 19 weeks on Friday and all is well. Our prenatal appointments at my family doctor remain uneventful. Yesterday we had an appointment. The doppler lets us hear the heartbeat more reliably every time, and yesterday's attempt also showed that the baby is moving around a lot, as we kept losing the sound of its tiny heartbeat. It! I may only be able to call it "it" for another couple of days, as Monday we will very likely discover the sex! Although I'm excited to find out the news, I have grown to love feeling this little androgynous "it" in my belly and am very fond of its ambiguous identity. When it comes down to it, I have no particular feeling on which it is. When I try and think of names, girls' names come to mind the most easily. When I look at clothes, I am drawn to the boys' items. I can honestly say (and I wouldn't have predicted this- I used to strongly prefer the thought of having a girl) that although I have always gotten along well with little girls and have often dreamed of raising one, now that I have a baby in the works I am completely neutral in my desire for one or the other. The few dreams involving infants I've had so far usually didn't indicate which it was as I was still pregnant, and I've had one dream each of giving birth to a boy and a girl. In both dreams, I might add, I was unable to muster the brainpower to take care of either baby. Very bad dreams, and so I don't take either of them seriously.

Going back to the Dr.'s appointment, here are some stats, for anyone's comparison: The belly measurement she took was 17.5 cm this time, and was 14.25 or so last time (four weeks ago; 14 weeks). The heartbeat was 144, fluctuating from 156 last time.  This makes my mother suspect it could be a girl, as it is said girls have faster heartbeats than boys. Who knows!? I am getting very excited indeed, especially to witness the babe in all its glorious activity on the screen.

Other than that, I have been eating quite well. I have not had as much time or energy to cook as I'd like though. Today on my day off I baked some Coconut Chocolate Chip Cookies from Sarah Kramer's Vegan a Gogo. Not as healthy a dish as I could have made, but what the heck, they tasted fabulous. We've been going out to top up groceries really often, so we are eating good food. This morning Patrick brought me breakfast in bed with tea, fresh pineapple chunks and a "McMuffin" sandwich with vegan sausage patties and melted Daiya cheese. I have been making veggie fried rice lately, a mixture of onions, veggies, jasmine rice, sesame oil, olive oil, and Braggs in a frying pan, and sometimes some World's Best Meatless Chicken Breast thrown in. Delicious indeed. Hummus and pita chips got me out of a few desperate hunger pangs this week, bought at the farmer's market.

The one vegan pregnancy book we've invested in is "The Everything Vegan Pregnancy Book". While quite a bit of this information is stuff I've already come across before, either from reading on vegan nutrition or pregnancy, it is nice to have a resource that contains both in one. With info on how much of each important vitamin I should be getting and listing food sources for them, it definitely reassures me that my diet was fine to begin with, and with a bunch of recipes at the back it gives me some great new food ideas to punch it up.

While everything is going fabulously, there is one small issue we have started talking about. Since I have an RH negative blood type, I have been told I need to get a shot of RhoGAM, an Immune Globulin treatment that would prevent my bloodcells from creating antibodies against a future baby's potentially RH positive bloodcells (not this baby). I was told by my doctor that I will need to get a dose of it at 28 weeks, and then again after the birth. We began wondering yesterday about this drug and the possible side effects, and it turns out there is a lot of controversy surrounding RhoGAM and its possible side effects on the internet, and some RH- women opt to not get the shot during the pregnancy to protect the baby. This is what we are leaning toward, but we need to do more research before making a decision, which I will cover in the next post. 


Until then, sleep tight and keep kicking, tiny one! You are now the length of a mango.

Fetal Movement!

I am very happy to report that I can now feel the movements of our li'l vegan, who is now about the size of a mango. I felt some little bubbly, fluttering movements in the baby spot last night when I was reading, and it's just like all the books say- it happens all of a sudden and catches you off guard. My heart started pounding, of course, obscuring the feelings for a minute, but they picked up again in the same spot. I've never felt anything like that before so I know it's the baby!
So nice to finally know you are in there from your movement!
Very exciting week coming up, approaching 19 weeks and the ultrasound on Monday.
Off to work with my hot chocolate almond milk. :)

18th week

17 weeks and counting! Wish I could have been more constant with writing but there’s been a lot going on.  We moved into a new apartment two weeks ago and I spent a week or more of that furiously unpacking, cleaning, and attempting to get some cooking done, both on days off and work days. It’s left me feeling pretty tired! Slowly, we are on our way to settling in here, i.e. having a place to sit down in the living room.  And the baby keeps growing, even if I don’t notice it. Sometimes a few days go by and I feel a little desperate to look up what stage the little thing is at in its development. 

Two weeks until the 2^nd trimester ultrasound! So two weeks till we find out whether it’s a boy or girl.

Perhaps a little cliché, one of my biggest symptoms so far has been forgetfulness. I am more than a little absentminded these days. Yesterday I was enjoying a day off, not knowing I was actually on the schedule at work, until an hour into my shift when I got a phone call (yes, I cried a little). I have had every Monday off since I began working there, though, so who knows if that mistake is really related to the pregnancy. I will walk out of the house with my keys, though, or my wallet or my phone, at any given time.  At work I will start one task and quickly abandon it for another task, remembering later on what I had originally set out to do.  And if you gathered from the above comment that I frequently get weepy, then you are bang on.  It takes almost nothing to make me cry these days.

Appetite wise, I’ve continued to be really hungry very frequently, although I also seem to get full pretty quickly.  I can’t really say I have strong cravings right now, only a very strong urge to just eat something! I do love juice these days, though, and I’ve probably had more juice (100% fruit juice or unpasteurized apple cider) while I’ve been pregnant than I drank in the last couple of years.

I have been eating pretty simply this month, without using many elaborate recipes. Usually once I need to eat, it has to be ready fast, so we’ve had rice and veggies just thrown in a frying pan a few times. I’ve also made a few different soups, and also eat a lot of sandwiches with Tofurkey and vegan mayo, which are very convenient for taking to work.  I’ve been mindful of protein (not that I usually think about that but just to make sure I’m gaining enough weight) and a few times I made this very delicious side dish using beans:

1 serving canned black eyed peas (refrigerate the rest in a container)

1 tsp coconut cream, rehydrated with a little hot water

½ garlic clove, minced

Pinch thyme

Little splash of Braggs

You just throw the garlic in the frying pan, add the beans a minute later, then toss with the coconut cream and thyme. Let simmer in the pan a bit till the liquid absorbs.  The coconut and black eyed peas taste very Caribbean together!

My promises to you.

I often, as I’m sure most parents-to-be do, look at situations happening in my life and wonder what will happen and how I will deal with it when I have a little human to look after. As much as we all do the best we can, it remains that we all form habits, sometimes ones that actually hurt and stifle us and sometimes ones that hurt others, and they can take a long time to recognize and much more time to change. It’s not that I think I can prepare to behave perfectly all the time once the baby is here, it’s that I know I can’t, and so I need to continually examine my behaviour to see if I am, through acting out of impulse, hurting my ability to stay sane.  I look at my own unsteady thought patterns and how quickly I lose control of my emotions, and I fear for how I might act when mentally provoked when there is a baby in my presence, there to absorb all energy waves. I can’t just go off into a thought storm.  On the other hand, though, I can’t bury the negative feeling, for it will inevitably stay with me and surface again through silence and tension, as it has proven to.  

I want this new impressionable human presence to be exposed to a life of openness and acceptance of natural tendencies. What does this mean? How to explain… We live in a culture that is isolating people further and further from each other, and although I’m inexperienced, I feel like the idea of parenting has become a topic of great confusion. I could read some parenting books and follow the instructions but I don’t think that would be fulfilling. There are many things that are expected of us in order to be "normal" in current times which don't necessarily come naturally. I must say I vividly remember being a child, and often don’t really feel that different from one even now. I know that in the first few years of life, they learn the things that stay with them more strongly than any other time in their lives.  My posts will not always be this serious, and it has no intended references to anyone in my life, or disrespect for anyone who has parented, but if I were to make a list of things I want to keep present in my experience of watching someone grow, I suppose it would be a bit like this:

1)       We must accept the forces of nature as reality. It is a mistake to create a standard that does not comply with that which happens naturally. If you drop something, I will not get mad at you, because gravity is one of the strongest forces on Earth. Things are meant to drop. If you wish to do things that defy gravity (and I know you will all on your own, like drawing a picture without losing all your crayons) I trust you will learn how.  If you get sick, it will not be your fault. I will not take it personally if you do. 

2)      I take full responsibility for your creation.  It makes me incredibly sad to witness parents who complain about having kids, or treat them with disrespect, as though they never asked for them.  I have chosen to bring you, whoever you are, into the world, and I will not resent you for habits which remind me of myself or that merely annoy me.  I will not blame you for anything negative that I feel is happening to me. I will teach you that likewise, you are responsible for your own happiness. 

3)      I will respect myself in a way that is equal to the way I respect you. You are not expected to provide me with any sort of fulfillment in return for my taking care of you, although I know you won’t be able to help doing that anyway. You should be shown how to live a life that is full of whatever you choose to bring into it, and I see it as my task to keep doing that for me as my most important way of teaching you.

4)       If there is any habit I would like to instil in you as well as myself (your father is already good at this) it is verbal communication of feelings. I am learning there is little reason to end up in arguments or blowups if each of us truly knows we hold the power to getting everything we need.  If you need emotional support, you will be able to tell me without thinking you have to show it in another way. If you become angry, all you need to do is to authentically say so, and your problem shall already nearly be solved.  It is one of the biggest challenges I have faced so far in life, and I want you to know right from the beginning that you have nothing to hide from anyone.

5)       We live in a world that tends to grade people based on things like beauty, body image, “smarts”, “academia”, and accordance with tradition. While you may, at some point, become tempted by the pressure to conform to these standards of importance set by other people, these are not things that I will expect of you nor encourage, unless these values come from your own ideas.  I love you more than this, and I hope to help you feel that you are worth the freedom and authenticity of making your own decisions based on your true feelings.

6)       You will be fed only food that has not been derived from killing or harming another living being, if it can at all be avoided. You will learn that all the nutritional fulfillment, health, pleasure and vitality you will possibly need can be derived from the plant foods of the world, and eating this way will let you maintain an open, caring, and healthy relationship to all other sentient beings you will share the planet with, as well as a very good relationship with food, from the very beginning of your journey.  

Love,

Your Mama

The Joys of Knitting

Oh, Ravelry, what would I do without you?
As the wind gets colder and the mornings frostier, it is in my nature to want to make things to stay warm. This winter will be more fun than maybe any other I've had, with the opportunity to knit little garments for my babelet.

An opinionated co-worker not-so-politely informed me that baby clothes are pretty cheap to buy these days. While not true in the case of mainstream babywear, it is true that there are many second hand options for much less money. I will indeed be hitting up the local thrift and second-hand clothing stores, keeping my out for original and cute things. But why in the world would I want to deny myself the chance to fashion my own uniquely stylish get-up when it gives me such a huge thrill? There is something incredibly soothing about the repetitive work of knitting that satisfies me on many levels: a level of self sufficiency, being part of the creation process of the "things" I am introducing into my child's life that will formulate his/her sense of familiarity and home, and of course the pure, creative satisfaction that can only come from putting in the work to make something yourself. It's the same feeling that comes from building something that you need in your home to make it more functional, or growing your own vegetables and cooking with them. I feel like this is a growing movement among my generation; a movement stemming from a feeling of being overwhelmed by the blatent consumer culture that has been forced upon us, making us think we can have anything any time we want it. It is a throw back to the days when the hard work and elbow grease we had to engage in was for something directly related to our needs, instead of the once-removed trend of working for money, which has become the main answer to having the things one needs and wants. Meanwhile, our skills at helping ourselves to survive independently have all but dissappeared, as there are now trained professionals who have paid to go through the schooling to provide these services to everyone. What would we do if money dissappeared suddenly? I think it's no exaggeration to say that we would be in a bad way.

So while knitting is a hobby that I do purely for the love of it, it means more than that to me. It is, in fact, one of the ways in which I am a non-participant in societal practices I believe are hurting us and causing us dissatisfaction, and a way in which I am a particpant in something I believe is a positive change for the world I live in, and establishing habits in my life that make me feel whole and alive.

Here is my first baby project, one I found on Ravelry. Here is the pattern.

This one I haven't embarked on yet, but am in LOVE with it! It's perfect! Here's the link.
Note: You must be a member of Ravelry to view the pattern.

More Pregnancy Snacks and Scrumptious Tofu Scramble

13 weeks.

Visible belly beginning.

Nausea at all-time-low!

3 pounds gained.

Little bitty one is the size of a small apple or a peach. 

I can’t believe how hungry I’ve been! It’s magical, how one’s body works. I need to eat every two hours, at least. I have never put so much effort into diversifying my snack repertoire. 

I love being a vegan. Not that I feel I can discuss it with the average individual, but inwardly, all day long, whatever I happen to be doing, I love and adore pondering over the food I eat, considering which vitamins I could use more of or how much protein, iron or fibre this and that contains.  As a meat eater, I was not one to think about where I got my B12 or iron, but now I can list sources of the stuff and know that I am getting it on a regular basis from food. 

Sugar cookie cutouts

Cravings have lost some extremity because I am now able to eat things even if I don’t enjoy them so much. For instance, the smoothie I made today containing strawberries, blueberries, banana, kale, orange juice, water and Vega Whole Food Health Optimizer (protein powder) made my health-food-nerd radar (and perhaps the baby)come alive with high-nutrition rapture, even though my taste buds had no inspiration to drink such a thing. That and certain other things remind me I’m pregnant, an example being a newfound preference for either salty or purely sweet foods. While my dessert cravings used to be based on a love for gooey, dark chocolate overload, I now dream instead of light, simple desserts such as sugar cookies with icing (today’s day off project)  or chocolate pudding or cinnamon pinwheels. Also, having been a regular coffee drinker for several years, I have not had a coffee since the day I found out, and it has stayed that way almost entirely due to taste aversion.

One of the more exciting snacks I’ve had lately was a tofu scramble I concocted after getting home from work one evening. I’ve used several recipes for this type of thing before, and they vary, but I began this short journey knowing I had no cumin or turmeric, which is usually used to flavour tofu scramble. My mission was to create a meal that was flavourful enough to make up for not having those ingredients on hand.  Trust me, there was no flavour missing from this and it is useful for me to jot it down now as I will want to make it again. One of the most awesome things about cooking like this, though, is the realization that once you have a good understanding of flavour combinations and common ingredients you work with, the kitchen is your artist’s palette.  

This contains a nice dose of protein with the tofu, mushrooms, and Bragg’s; the nutritional yeast, if fortified, gives you a little helping of B12; and you can never go wrong with the handful of veggies. This makes a single serving; double the recipe if you’re sharing. I have no photo but will upload one if (when) I make it again!

Tofu Scramble

Olive oil

½ small onion, chopped

5-6 mushrooms, sliced (I used cremini)

1/4 block firm tofu, crumbled to your liking (I like to leave it in chunkier pieces)

1 Tbsp Bragg’s Liquid Aminos (or tamari/soy sauce)

1-2 Tbsp apple cider vinegar

1 tsp mustard

Garlic powder

Italian (or your favourite) seasoning

1 ½ -2 Tbsp nutritional yeast

Salt and pepper

Handful of chopped tomatoes and green peppers (or spinach; whatever you like!)

Heat oil in a frying pan over medium heat.  Add onions and mushrooms, frying till onions are translucent and mushrooms are browned a little.  Add tofu, Bragg’s, cider vinegar, mustard, garlic powder, spices and nutritional yeast, and let it cook, stirring occasionally, till some of the liquid evaporates, the tofu turns golden and everything smells divine.  Toss in the chopped tomatoes and peppers and turn off the heat, get your toast and jam ready, and enjoy your scrumptious breakfast-style snack.