My promises to you.

I often, as I’m sure most parents-to-be do, look at situations happening in my life and wonder what will happen and how I will deal with it when I have a little human to look after. As much as we all do the best we can, it remains that we all form habits, sometimes ones that actually hurt and stifle us and sometimes ones that hurt others, and they can take a long time to recognize and much more time to change. It’s not that I think I can prepare to behave perfectly all the time once the baby is here, it’s that I know I can’t, and so I need to continually examine my behaviour to see if I am, through acting out of impulse, hurting my ability to stay sane.  I look at my own unsteady thought patterns and how quickly I lose control of my emotions, and I fear for how I might act when mentally provoked when there is a baby in my presence, there to absorb all energy waves. I can’t just go off into a thought storm.  On the other hand, though, I can’t bury the negative feeling, for it will inevitably stay with me and surface again through silence and tension, as it has proven to.  

I want this new impressionable human presence to be exposed to a life of openness and acceptance of natural tendencies. What does this mean? How to explain… We live in a culture that is isolating people further and further from each other, and although I’m inexperienced, I feel like the idea of parenting has become a topic of great confusion. I could read some parenting books and follow the instructions but I don’t think that would be fulfilling. There are many things that are expected of us in order to be "normal" in current times which don't necessarily come naturally. I must say I vividly remember being a child, and often don’t really feel that different from one even now. I know that in the first few years of life, they learn the things that stay with them more strongly than any other time in their lives.  My posts will not always be this serious, and it has no intended references to anyone in my life, or disrespect for anyone who has parented, but if I were to make a list of things I want to keep present in my experience of watching someone grow, I suppose it would be a bit like this:

1)       We must accept the forces of nature as reality. It is a mistake to create a standard that does not comply with that which happens naturally. If you drop something, I will not get mad at you, because gravity is one of the strongest forces on Earth. Things are meant to drop. If you wish to do things that defy gravity (and I know you will all on your own, like drawing a picture without losing all your crayons) I trust you will learn how.  If you get sick, it will not be your fault. I will not take it personally if you do. 

2)      I take full responsibility for your creation.  It makes me incredibly sad to witness parents who complain about having kids, or treat them with disrespect, as though they never asked for them.  I have chosen to bring you, whoever you are, into the world, and I will not resent you for habits which remind me of myself or that merely annoy me.  I will not blame you for anything negative that I feel is happening to me. I will teach you that likewise, you are responsible for your own happiness. 

3)      I will respect myself in a way that is equal to the way I respect you. You are not expected to provide me with any sort of fulfillment in return for my taking care of you, although I know you won’t be able to help doing that anyway. You should be shown how to live a life that is full of whatever you choose to bring into it, and I see it as my task to keep doing that for me as my most important way of teaching you.

4)       If there is any habit I would like to instil in you as well as myself (your father is already good at this) it is verbal communication of feelings. I am learning there is little reason to end up in arguments or blowups if each of us truly knows we hold the power to getting everything we need.  If you need emotional support, you will be able to tell me without thinking you have to show it in another way. If you become angry, all you need to do is to authentically say so, and your problem shall already nearly be solved.  It is one of the biggest challenges I have faced so far in life, and I want you to know right from the beginning that you have nothing to hide from anyone.

5)       We live in a world that tends to grade people based on things like beauty, body image, “smarts”, “academia”, and accordance with tradition. While you may, at some point, become tempted by the pressure to conform to these standards of importance set by other people, these are not things that I will expect of you nor encourage, unless these values come from your own ideas.  I love you more than this, and I hope to help you feel that you are worth the freedom and authenticity of making your own decisions based on your true feelings.

6)       You will be fed only food that has not been derived from killing or harming another living being, if it can at all be avoided. You will learn that all the nutritional fulfillment, health, pleasure and vitality you will possibly need can be derived from the plant foods of the world, and eating this way will let you maintain an open, caring, and healthy relationship to all other sentient beings you will share the planet with, as well as a very good relationship with food, from the very beginning of your journey.  

Love,

Your Mama

The Joys of Knitting

Oh, Ravelry, what would I do without you?
As the wind gets colder and the mornings frostier, it is in my nature to want to make things to stay warm. This winter will be more fun than maybe any other I've had, with the opportunity to knit little garments for my babelet.

An opinionated co-worker not-so-politely informed me that baby clothes are pretty cheap to buy these days. While not true in the case of mainstream babywear, it is true that there are many second hand options for much less money. I will indeed be hitting up the local thrift and second-hand clothing stores, keeping my out for original and cute things. But why in the world would I want to deny myself the chance to fashion my own uniquely stylish get-up when it gives me such a huge thrill? There is something incredibly soothing about the repetitive work of knitting that satisfies me on many levels: a level of self sufficiency, being part of the creation process of the "things" I am introducing into my child's life that will formulate his/her sense of familiarity and home, and of course the pure, creative satisfaction that can only come from putting in the work to make something yourself. It's the same feeling that comes from building something that you need in your home to make it more functional, or growing your own vegetables and cooking with them. I feel like this is a growing movement among my generation; a movement stemming from a feeling of being overwhelmed by the blatent consumer culture that has been forced upon us, making us think we can have anything any time we want it. It is a throw back to the days when the hard work and elbow grease we had to engage in was for something directly related to our needs, instead of the once-removed trend of working for money, which has become the main answer to having the things one needs and wants. Meanwhile, our skills at helping ourselves to survive independently have all but dissappeared, as there are now trained professionals who have paid to go through the schooling to provide these services to everyone. What would we do if money dissappeared suddenly? I think it's no exaggeration to say that we would be in a bad way.

So while knitting is a hobby that I do purely for the love of it, it means more than that to me. It is, in fact, one of the ways in which I am a non-participant in societal practices I believe are hurting us and causing us dissatisfaction, and a way in which I am a particpant in something I believe is a positive change for the world I live in, and establishing habits in my life that make me feel whole and alive.

Here is my first baby project, one I found on Ravelry. Here is the pattern.

This one I haven't embarked on yet, but am in LOVE with it! It's perfect! Here's the link.
Note: You must be a member of Ravelry to view the pattern.

More Pregnancy Snacks and Scrumptious Tofu Scramble

13 weeks.

Visible belly beginning.

Nausea at all-time-low!

3 pounds gained.

Little bitty one is the size of a small apple or a peach. 

I can’t believe how hungry I’ve been! It’s magical, how one’s body works. I need to eat every two hours, at least. I have never put so much effort into diversifying my snack repertoire. 

I love being a vegan. Not that I feel I can discuss it with the average individual, but inwardly, all day long, whatever I happen to be doing, I love and adore pondering over the food I eat, considering which vitamins I could use more of or how much protein, iron or fibre this and that contains.  As a meat eater, I was not one to think about where I got my B12 or iron, but now I can list sources of the stuff and know that I am getting it on a regular basis from food. 

Sugar cookie cutouts

Cravings have lost some extremity because I am now able to eat things even if I don’t enjoy them so much. For instance, the smoothie I made today containing strawberries, blueberries, banana, kale, orange juice, water and Vega Whole Food Health Optimizer (protein powder) made my health-food-nerd radar (and perhaps the baby)come alive with high-nutrition rapture, even though my taste buds had no inspiration to drink such a thing. That and certain other things remind me I’m pregnant, an example being a newfound preference for either salty or purely sweet foods. While my dessert cravings used to be based on a love for gooey, dark chocolate overload, I now dream instead of light, simple desserts such as sugar cookies with icing (today’s day off project)  or chocolate pudding or cinnamon pinwheels. Also, having been a regular coffee drinker for several years, I have not had a coffee since the day I found out, and it has stayed that way almost entirely due to taste aversion.

One of the more exciting snacks I’ve had lately was a tofu scramble I concocted after getting home from work one evening. I’ve used several recipes for this type of thing before, and they vary, but I began this short journey knowing I had no cumin or turmeric, which is usually used to flavour tofu scramble. My mission was to create a meal that was flavourful enough to make up for not having those ingredients on hand.  Trust me, there was no flavour missing from this and it is useful for me to jot it down now as I will want to make it again. One of the most awesome things about cooking like this, though, is the realization that once you have a good understanding of flavour combinations and common ingredients you work with, the kitchen is your artist’s palette.  

This contains a nice dose of protein with the tofu, mushrooms, and Bragg’s; the nutritional yeast, if fortified, gives you a little helping of B12; and you can never go wrong with the handful of veggies. This makes a single serving; double the recipe if you’re sharing. I have no photo but will upload one if (when) I make it again!

Tofu Scramble

Olive oil

½ small onion, chopped

5-6 mushrooms, sliced (I used cremini)

1/4 block firm tofu, crumbled to your liking (I like to leave it in chunkier pieces)

1 Tbsp Bragg’s Liquid Aminos (or tamari/soy sauce)

1-2 Tbsp apple cider vinegar

1 tsp mustard

Garlic powder

Italian (or your favourite) seasoning

1 ½ -2 Tbsp nutritional yeast

Salt and pepper

Handful of chopped tomatoes and green peppers (or spinach; whatever you like!)

Heat oil in a frying pan over medium heat.  Add onions and mushrooms, frying till onions are translucent and mushrooms are browned a little.  Add tofu, Bragg’s, cider vinegar, mustard, garlic powder, spices and nutritional yeast, and let it cook, stirring occasionally, till some of the liquid evaporates, the tofu turns golden and everything smells divine.  Toss in the chopped tomatoes and peppers and turn off the heat, get your toast and jam ready, and enjoy your scrumptious breakfast-style snack.