I often, as I’m sure most parents-to-be do, look at situations happening in my life and wonder what will happen and how I will deal with it when I have a little human to look after. As much as we all do the best we can, it remains that we all form habits, sometimes ones that actually hurt and stifle us and sometimes ones that hurt others, and they can take a long time to recognize and much more time to change. It’s not that I think I can prepare to behave perfectly all the time once the baby is here, it’s that I know I can’t, and so I need to continually examine my behaviour to see if I am, through acting out of impulse, hurting my ability to stay sane. I look at my own unsteady thought patterns and how quickly I lose control of my emotions, and I fear for how I might act when mentally provoked when there is a baby in my presence, there to absorb all energy waves. I can’t just go off into a thought storm. On the other hand, though, I can’t bury the negative feeling, for it will inevitably stay with me and surface again through silence and tension, as it has proven to.
I want this new impressionable human presence to be exposed to a life of openness and acceptance of natural tendencies. What does this mean? How to explain… We live in a culture that is isolating people further and further from each other, and although I’m inexperienced, I feel like the idea of parenting has become a topic of great confusion. I could read some parenting books and follow the instructions but I don’t think that would be fulfilling. There are many things that are expected of us in order to be "normal" in current times which don't necessarily come naturally. I must say I vividly remember being a child, and often don’t really feel that different from one even now. I know that in the first few years of life, they learn the things that stay with them more strongly than any other time in their lives. My posts will not always be this serious, and it has no intended references to anyone in my life, or disrespect for anyone who has parented, but if I were to make a list of things I want to keep present in my experience of watching someone grow, I suppose it would be a bit like this:
1) We must accept the forces of nature as reality. It is a mistake to create a standard that does not comply with that which happens naturally. If you drop something, I will not get mad at you, because gravity is one of the strongest forces on Earth. Things are meant to drop. If you wish to do things that defy gravity (and I know you will all on your own, like drawing a picture without losing all your crayons) I trust you will learn how. If you get sick, it will not be your fault. I will not take it personally if you do.
2) I take full responsibility for your creation. It makes me incredibly sad to witness parents who complain about having kids, or treat them with disrespect, as though they never asked for them. I have chosen to bring you, whoever you are, into the world, and I will not resent you for habits which remind me of myself or that merely annoy me. I will not blame you for anything negative that I feel is happening to me. I will teach you that likewise, you are responsible for your own happiness.
3) I will respect myself in a way that is equal to the way I respect you. You are not expected to provide me with any sort of fulfillment in return for my taking care of you, although I know you won’t be able to help doing that anyway. You should be shown how to live a life that is full of whatever you choose to bring into it, and I see it as my task to keep doing that for me as my most important way of teaching you.
4) If there is any habit I would like to instil in you as well as myself (your father is already good at this) it is verbal communication of feelings. I am learning there is little reason to end up in arguments or blowups if each of us truly knows we hold the power to getting everything we need. If you need emotional support, you will be able to tell me without thinking you have to show it in another way. If you become angry, all you need to do is to authentically say so, and your problem shall already nearly be solved. It is one of the biggest challenges I have faced so far in life, and I want you to know right from the beginning that you have nothing to hide from anyone.
5) We live in a world that tends to grade people based on things like beauty, body image, “smarts”, “academia”, and accordance with tradition. While you may, at some point, become tempted by the pressure to conform to these standards of importance set by other people, these are not things that I will expect of you nor encourage, unless these values come from your own ideas. I love you more than this, and I hope to help you feel that you are worth the freedom and authenticity of making your own decisions based on your true feelings.
6) You will be fed only food that has not been derived from killing or harming another living being, if it can at all be avoided. You will learn that all the nutritional fulfillment, health, pleasure and vitality you will possibly need can be derived from the plant foods of the world, and eating this way will let you maintain an open, caring, and healthy relationship to all other sentient beings you will share the planet with, as well as a very good relationship with food, from the very beginning of your journey.
Love,
Your Mama
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